Turning 50
Well today I did it, I turned 50 years old. I don't feel any different, nor do I see things differently. I had a good day and tomorrow I will have a party with close friends and family at the family home. I will take this milestone in age to reflect back upon my life. I will start with the regrets, which there are many, and finish on a positive note with the good things that were and are the story of my life.
When I was young I was a hell raiser, to put it mildly. I was an angry young man for a very long time and it showed in my behavior, and my attitude. It had nothing to do with my upbringing. My parents were and still are good hard working people who loved their children and each other. I was the bad one. I rebelled against wrongs done to me either real or perceived, I am not proud of the way I acted sometimes and regret some of those times. Other times I was picked on and fought back because it was my personality to do so. I paid a terrible interpersonal cost for being that way. Personal relationships with women were the biggest casualty. I have never hit a woman, and I never will. I just didn't get along with them very well no matter how hard I tried. My biggest regret when it comes to women is the pain I inflicted on some when we were young. I didn't know any better, and it showed Either way it is my own fault for the way I was and how things turned out. Those are the facts and they are not in dispute.
I never had children, and some will say that was good for the world, I don't know but I suspect they are correct. I mentored a young man who didn't have a father and no positive male influence. So I did the best I could to see that he knew how to be a man. He is 29 years old and has a child of his own. He is a good parent and a good man. He works and takes care of his family, as good men do. I am very proud of him. So in the midst of all the trouble and strife I have caused, I have done at the very least one thing right in this world. So if he is to be my legacy then I am good with that. These are the positives and they too are not in dispute.
When I was young I was a hell raiser, to put it mildly. I was an angry young man for a very long time and it showed in my behavior, and my attitude. It had nothing to do with my upbringing. My parents were and still are good hard working people who loved their children and each other. I was the bad one. I rebelled against wrongs done to me either real or perceived, I am not proud of the way I acted sometimes and regret some of those times. Other times I was picked on and fought back because it was my personality to do so. I paid a terrible interpersonal cost for being that way. Personal relationships with women were the biggest casualty. I have never hit a woman, and I never will. I just didn't get along with them very well no matter how hard I tried. My biggest regret when it comes to women is the pain I inflicted on some when we were young. I didn't know any better, and it showed Either way it is my own fault for the way I was and how things turned out. Those are the facts and they are not in dispute.
I never had children, and some will say that was good for the world, I don't know but I suspect they are correct. I mentored a young man who didn't have a father and no positive male influence. So I did the best I could to see that he knew how to be a man. He is 29 years old and has a child of his own. He is a good parent and a good man. He works and takes care of his family, as good men do. I am very proud of him. So in the midst of all the trouble and strife I have caused, I have done at the very least one thing right in this world. So if he is to be my legacy then I am good with that. These are the positives and they too are not in dispute.
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